No need to do the same to my heart

OKAY now you can't tell me last night wasn't confusing.

STOP CONFUSING ME.

That is bio's job. And chem physics math.

I already have enough confusion going on in my brain.

loved the hols

despite the 9 ballet lessons
despite the undone work
despite not being able to paint my nails
despite not getting to eat healthily
despite not finishing season2 of PLL
despite not doing any shopping

loved the freedom
loved the carefree feeling
going out
going home late
late-night suppers
sleeping late
waking up feeling relaxed and excited for the day ahead
ganging up and owning ppl at bridge
cuddling up in the blanket because reaching for the aircon remote takes too much energy
seeing people I haven't seen in a long time
seeing the same people multiple times cause we just seem to have countless things to talk about
stacking up accessories on my arms
hanging out in places like a gang and being a public nuisance but YOLO

Yet sometimes I think too little

I think too much about a lot of the things I do.

You know how everyone is always saying they are scared to confess their love or wtv to someone else because they do not want to lose their friendship.

Well, that is the mindset I have a lot of the times. I am afraid. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid that my actions might carry implications that I wouldn't know how to face. Or wouldn't dare to face.

And in typical love stories they end up confessing anyway. Problem is, I probably wouldn't.

Turns out its plain old confusion

Im not sure what sort of mood to approach this post with. Happy? Emo? Motivated? Tired? Ranty?

So many things have been going on that my brain has sort of packed some stuff away, tucked them into the back, so that they are sort of there but not really there. Thus, it appears like there is nothing going on. Problem is, the stuff that I am choosing to ignore right now are gonna come back and bite me. Hard. And Im not just talking about schoolwork. Though that itself is a big problem.

However (rebuttal to a rebuttal), the things that are not being ignored are making me...confused. And Im afraid to talk about them here, because the person/people behind the confusion may be reading (not risking it however slim that chance might be). Just know, that I'm confused and I'm not sure what the next step of action should be and I have no one to turn to to ask for advice.

Tick tock goes the clock

Crazily long and intense last week of lessons for the term.

Another rare Monday that I could go home right after school. I took so long to decide what to have for lunch that I ended up eating Subway at 4pm. Which in retrospect was not that bad of a plan because it meant dinner was unnecessary.

Tuesday was 5th March. A supposedly special day that was only made so by my friends <3 Malay was supposed to end early but there was this person there who was talking so much and asking so many questions that we ended up not ending that much earlier. Made me so impatient towards the end.

First TA of the year on Wednesday. Got it over and done with and then went out with two-third of thebackrow. But like half the class was on the same bus, and 80% of the bus was filled with rgs people.  Haha people kept shhh-ing here and there but that was like completely useless. Satisfied cravings for pepperlunch and cake on the same day :D Ooh btw thanks guys for the sinfully delicious cake.

Thursday was uneventful. Half the class was missing for chem and ss so nothing got done. Reached home after draggy bus journey and just crashed.

During math on Friday, kelly suddenly remembered that unit summary was due on that day and I was seriously scared by the way that had totally slipped my mind. Ended up rushing it after school and we almost couldn't get it printed out.

Today: Went for CmPS in the morning and since I was already at Orchard, what do I do? Shopping duh. Got back just in time for ballet, which ended 45 minutes late because we are still so bad even though exams are looming nearer and nearer. Thats my Saturday.

Tomorrow I plan to just stay at home and watch my shows while eating chips.

Musings mash-up

Long time no blog. Haha how is it that there are still people coming back here day after day of no posts. Well I forsee nothing exciting happening for this post. I just wanted to blog in the last hours of February.

This week I have been having minor freakout moments, about ballet exam. One month later they are gonna turn major. Not looking forward to that.

Satisfied zinger burger craving during study block today. YUMZ.

I think I have been practicing rather good self-control when it comes to shopping. Once it Jan, once it Feb. Problem is because it is so occasional, I always end up spending more than I wanted to. And my mum in the US is not helping. Talking about how big their stores are and how cheap their clothes are and how pretty they are arrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its like can i please just migrate there. Okay March is my birthday month and there is sch hols so at least I can go shopping more than once.

Birthdays are such great things. They solve the money part and the actual going out part.



So I guess I should talk about school and studies since that is like 80% of my life right now. After not succumbing to any persuasions, I have stuck to my decision to not take MSP O'levels. I know many people see is as a waste, as a missed opportunity, and i shall not waste my time trying to convince them otherwise, just remember that there is more than one side to everything.

I am appreciative of my dedicated teachers and my fun classmates, I really am.

I can't find the perfect length for my pinafore. Its either too short or too long.

CCA is getting too...repetitive. I think it has something to do with being a Part C NCO this year after just being a Part C myself last year. And the platoon is not as strongly bonded as before. Unavoidable I know, but still a sad thing  nonetheless.

Cannot make up for mind for subject combi. BCME or PCME? I feel more drawn towards the latter.

I have given up trying to make sense of it

My body clock is programmed super weirdly.

I was sososososo sleepy in the afternoon even though I had plenty of sleep the previous night. I managed to squeeze in a short nap and now I am super awake.

I seem to only do work in the morning, and that is IF I had just woken up. Which means I will end up doing nothing tomorrow.



This year has been so tiring everyday I reach home I just wanna sleep. So I have started sleeping super early, like 8pm then waking up super early, like 4am. The two hours before I start getting ready for school is super productive. I just get all the shit that needs to be done done so much quicker.


Sound like a good plan right. But NOPE. I tried that for 2 days and my body seems to think that 8 hours was just a nap. By afternoon I would be sleepy again zzzzzz.

Let us create more beautiful memories

Valentine's Day huh.

I just had a major moodswing session. It was rather horrible. I think I need to go run all these feelings away.


But THANK YOU kelly clarissa jenny minyi jasmine stephanie and my secret admirer. I <3 you guys :)


And I think today is an appropriate day to say that I really want to see you again, and those few times that we did go out together are some of my favourite memories.

The peace before the storm

First of all, 新年快乐！

Then, I am going to write about my life, because thats what my blog is for.

On Friday I met up with the 6R peeps again. Or at least, one-fifth of them. Shit is was sososososo fun.Met at orchard, chilled at ion, went to jp, had dinner, went to park, lepak even more, look at the stars, walked back. My mum started calling every five minutes since 10.30 until I finally reached my cousins house at 11plus. I am now selectively-grounded. Apparently I am not allowed to hang with them anymore, but whats there to stop me?

Finally went cny shopping on sat at chinatown. Super belated. My mum said yes to everything I wanted to buy :)

Reunion dinner at cousins house on sat, then another dinner at my house on sun, cmps today, bbq tomorrow.

No link

And here is where I end up while finding more ways to procrastinate learning tingxie.

This week would have been a wonderful week IF I didn't have to stay back on mon-thurs. But actually, you know what, Friday makes up for it all. Primary school REUNION :D Haiya I know its gonna be the same old people turning up again, but its still cool kay.

I am finally starting to get the rhythm of school again. Problem is its gonna be gone after the CNY break then I am gonna take one whole month to find it again, which by then would be march hols.

Teachers get judged by students A LOT. Or maybe its just us judging the teachers more than usual.

“One must maintain a little bit of summer, even in the middle of winter.”

I still havent given up all my new year resolutions kay. On the way to completing one of them: Learn to do a handstand. Hey not an easy feat considering my height and lack of safe places. But at least prior experience on doing cartwheels seem to be helping. Been practicing at the playground everytime after jogging. Which is obviously not very often.

But ultimate goal is this:

School is normal I guess. Really looking forward to CNY but definitely not all the shit thats gonna come tumbling right after that.


Mid-morning weather is so good nowadays. I see the sun shining down on the parade square, on the field, and I think of places like this.

But then there I am, stuck in school.

Deal with it

Today was a day where I felt like I was losing myself (Ok idk what that actually means but it felt like the right way to put it) and I decided to retrace my path on this blog. I was such a happy kid back in sec 2. I miss those days :(

I don't like to be sad or sentimental, so lets move on to something happier.

I saw a post where I put down the no. of each clothing item I have. And somehow I seemed to have though that was a lot. A rough estimate shows that I have since then doubled my wardrobe. And grew out my accessories collection from almost nothing to a lot of things. Haha. Superficial kid. Butbutbut, accessories are so prettyyyy.

Secretly a perfectionist?

I cannot cannot stand practicing hours and hours for somethings, but in the end screw it up when it really matters. I thinks thats why I am so scared of exams. Because exams entail spending so much time and effort for that short little amount of time in comparison. And I am not really talking about like school exams. Those happen too often already. I am talking about assessments that happen only occasionally. Like piano exams and ballet exams. I think ballet exams are the most hardcore. So much time spent each week for a year just for that one hour of exam.

(Context not just for ballet anymore) Because it hurts so much to screw up after you have practiced so hard for it, I have to train even harder. Problem is if you DO screw up, then you feel sadder if you have trained harder. Like if you didnt train as hard then you wouldnt be as sad. Haha am I still making sense.

Another super annoying part is if you are actually not bad at it while practicing, but then when it comes to the real thing you just screw up. But those people who suck while practicing suddenly become super pro during the real thing, that is, ARGH that is SUPER FRUSTRATING. Its like a combination of nerves and luck.



I really do appreciate my blog when I need somewhere to rant. And I am not really touchy-feely type of person so I would rather rant here than to another person.

Having to shout for lozenges

Falling sick :( I think the flu finally caught on to me. Its week 2 of school and 4 packets of my tissue have been used up. Interesting part is I only used 1 piece myself. Tissue supplier ;)

The whole back row is like sick. Except that buff kelly. I think we eat too much junk food liao. But at least I got drink water kay. Haha yesterday I drank so much that I had to pee super urgently just half an hour after going to the toilet.

Yesterday night I was already blur and tired. Like who the heck takes one hour to find 3 articles online. I don't even rmb what I was doing. It seems like the only thing I did last night was find those 3 articles. And I forgot to bring blouse today. Didn't even cross my mind until I was getting on the school bus. Turns out clarissa nvr bring also (toldya we were all falling sick) but in the end 4 of us in the back row didnt change out at all. Shhhh.

Spent one hour in the afternoon just talking with tmy. Like how zek would describe it 'spent so much time talking but don't even know what we were talking about.'


Ohohoho we finally measured our weight today. I am a kilo lighter than last year :)

不要生在福中不知福

I count today as the first official day of school. Lessons were super tiring can. Trip science + math + two languages. Mondays are the worst. 

But heheh there was no cca cause my cs are at obs. Last night I saw so many posts on twitter and fb by my batch about how they would rather spend the week at obs then having lessons. I disagree with that. Not that obs wasnt fun, but if given the choice I would still choose lessons. 

So after school I was planning to hobo around abit and crash bs' training, but omg THE WEATHER. All I did was walk from ncc room to canteen to refill bottles and back and I was already sweating. Imagine them poor things training in no.4.  

I treated myself to ICE CREAM just now :D Havent had ice cream for months

I just found out something miraculous. For this WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK, I have nothing on after school. What are the odds of that happening. First, my part has to be away, stranded on an island. Then, there has to be no msp. Next, the school my cmps is presenting in has to postpone the date. Finally, there needs to be orientation so there is no available venue and there also needs to be coc pop rehearsal so that there are very little people left.

Hohoho what a glorious week.

So damn unprepared

DUDE school starts tomorrow. Which means by today I have to get everything sorted, which btw includes studying for some stupid chem test.  O.M.G.

Tomorrow morning I am going to take the school bus to RGS for the last first time of the year.

Freakin holy momma cow asdfsdjkfwjhwnfbsfu34852hbvlrj1490-290-t9jfjbjhti2hrknif

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DEARS

That previous post was so short because I was trying to get it published as soon as the loud cheering going on outside my house became SUPER LOUD.

Uhhuh, here I am sitting on my bed listening to the party going on just outside.

Great, now I am trying not to; because they are playing gangnam style (there is something about this song that puts me off).

Turns out my parents made it home 5 mins before the new year, so nothings remarkable or memorable about that.

This shall be my first post for 2013

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRRRRR

This shall be my last post for 2012

Goodbye 2012! Overall, you have been an awesome year! Muacks!

I have no idea how to spend the last hour of 2012

I have already been on youtube the entire night, and right now I am...blogging.

Seriously though, I am just thinking about so many things that I could have done during the hols but didnt and being all like 'its too late now'. You know how people usually get upset thinking about stuff like that...but not me. I'm all like well if I had done those stuff then I would be regretting not doing the things that I really did, so theres really no point thinking about this point at all.


Tonight is soooo chilly. Here I am wearing a sweater and thick shorts, yet still getting chills. Funny thing is I only realised that like half an hour ago, after I decided to turn off my aircon to save electricity.

I really need to get a life. Or just get to a party.