head vs heart

I told you to go, but my heart yearned for you to stay. I was afraid of what would happen if you had stayed, afraid of what I would say, afraid of how much it would affect both of us.

Don't let me hold you back.

the incessant waves of nostalgia ohmannnn 

Is it simply human nature for us to be always reminiscing about the past, wishing we could somehow just go back in time? Sometimes i try to convince myself its due to this period of uncertainty. But life is always uncertain. At the back of my mind, I know there will come a time when I will be missing this period as well. Because thats just how life works. 

Yet, as much as I tell myself to live in the present, the memories are triggered so easily. And they are stacked like dominos, one leads to another to another and idk where it ends

it scares me so much:

that im almost indifferent to something i used to believe i rlyrly wanted, that i may just well be setting myself up for failure, that im getting my hopes up just for them to be crushed.


 but then again, they say "If your dreams don't scare you, you need to dream a little bigger".

Thank you parents, for the past 19 years.

Results day followed by birthday has called for an immense amount of reflection, but I can't translate my thoughts into words yet.

Happiness is a choice

Freak havent seen 3am in a longlong while. Brain just keeps running and im rly tired and just thinking about how im gonna be feeling in the upcoming hours makes me even more tired. Dk what to do to get myself out of this. Been aimlessly scrolling through my phone and ended up here. 

Whatever happens, i will accept it and make the best out of it. 

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship

"Why is it that we always fall for our best friend?
Is it because we know we can trust them?
Is it because we know them so well?
Is it because of the way they know exactly whats going on in our heads?
Or is it because they are there any day, anytime, anywhere, without the promise of kisses, intimate touches or whispered sentiments of love?
I think we love them because they are there when there is nothing in it for them except for that glimmer of hope that maybe someday there will be. "

maybe i can finally stop running from something and start running for something

so ytd my friend was talking about running a half-marathon, which got me thinking how nice it must be to have a goal to run towards. ever since i finished my last 2.4 last year i have stopped pushing myself during runs and it has been rlyrly nice to not have to race against the clock. but that also means everything has become rather stagnant: I run about the same distance at about the same speed.

ok guys i was gonna type a long post but i suddenly feel too lazy sooooo

BASICALLY i am inspired to start challenging myself again. like today after i finished one of my usual routes around the park i started on a second round (but about-turned after the first stretch of it HAHA) and maybe one day i can actually do 2 complete rounds?? that brings me one teeny step closer to a half-marathon bc that one will be like 4 rounds which is some intense shit hahahaha good luck man my friend if you are rly going for it (but if you do i will be no.1 supporter!)

"Never take someone for granted. Hold every person close to your heart, because you might wake up one day and realise you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones. "

long time no long post

had a momentary desire to delete this blog zzzz i was just scrolling around and everything seemed so jumbled and useless but then i didnt dare to cause i thought i might regret it in the future hahahah so 5 years worth of jumbled and useless stuff can just stay here


hmmmmm so on the day a levels ended we were at town area walking around and ended up at wheelock foodcourt at 10pm and i bumped into a senior there and we only talked for a few minutes but her advice really stuck and i just needed to write this down to remind myself not to forget her advice!!!


one week of routine and it almost feels like school again lol hahaha setting more than 10 morning alarms and still managing to sleep through all of them but everyone else in the house wakes up and  they will come wake me up hahahaha how am i gonna survive by myself next time

and 930pm is my exercise time! HAHA just cos tekong admin time v unpredictable so at least i can check my phone while doing something but wah ns life is so much different from what we all expected. still q excited to see how the boys (and girls) turn out hope they become hotter!! :)

getting back into regular jogging has been great srsly strongly recommended!!! if you are just looking to stay active, go at a steady pace and let your mind wander for 30mins and never everever forget music its VVVV IMPT

some nights im so tired i cant even keep myself awake to finish everything i wanted to but other nights im lying in bed at 3am trying to sleep so idek whats happening. omgggg and last night i had a HORRIBLE toothache :((((( kept me awake for hours just lying there in pain. tried to find something to do to distract myself hahahaha HERE
and the dentist is fully booked til two days later omg srsly........surviving on ice cubes and painkillers for now and my parents were just like 'welcome to adulthood' walaooooooooo



ok also damn annoyed why the heck do u keep talking about me when im standing right there just to purposely piss me off like whatthefuck srsly??????? hate it so much omg. and i really think sometimes we truly do hate each other. which is a scary thought but i dont see any other explanation

"Money you lose you can always make back. But even five minutes of time lost is gone forever."

this puts so many things into perspective

vvvvv immensely stressed outtttttttttt. a lot of strong emotions coming from different areas. yknow that scene in harry potter when hermione described all the things that were going on with cho and then ron didnt believe that anyone could feel so much emotion at one point and hermione replied 'just cos you have the emotional range of a teaspoon'

ok otherwise life has been pretty great i just need to suck it up and get through this

I don't know what I want

430am

have u found my blog?? pls tell me if you are reading this hahaha its rather creepy :)

soooooo how long has it been since i didnt have to study???? no idea HAHAHA (ok update its exactly one week but it srsly feels sosososo much longer)

life has been eventful hehe but ya i know its unsustainable. idk wth i was thinking when i told my parents that i won't be needing an allowance anymore lol i was trying to be all grown-up and independent hahaha but thankfully things are working out fine for now wheeee 

i think thats just because i havent stepped inside a mall since prom shopping which left such stressful memories of shopping. wth prom was just last week??? whattheeeeeeeee

WHAT EVEN. i cannot comprehend. hahahha and i promise i didnt even drink tonight

ok ya i know im purposely avoiding alot of srs stuff and legit issues but i cannot stop enjoying life rn and i dont wanna snap out of this daydream

alsoalso kimmm your house is freaking beautiful i love it so much omg pls jio me more PLSSSS

how did i even get stuck in such a weird position lololol what do i do now hahahaahahah can only talk to one person abt it but then i dont rly trust that person's advice????

why so complicated ahhhh it was never supp to be such a big deal srsly everyone should just chill

ok anw. moving on. to something which i thought i had moved on (ha ha ha) from after one whole damn year but yet here i am.....what the heck mannnnnnn

cannot find closure :((((( and idk what to do. i rlyrlyrly wanna just move on. i thought all i needed was time but i guess i need a closure as well and wtf how am i ever gonna get that

haha sudden enlightenment. 

yeah sure i hate your flaws but they are what make you you and instead of harbouring so much negativity im going to start embracing your imperfections and draw strength from them

ha ha ha 

thanks

Omg srsly fuck you pls wake up the world does not revolve around you and ppl do not exist to please you! stop being such a self-absorbed self-obsessed self-righteous and downright selfish asshole

Omg this :(

This heartpain is getting a little too familiar

Omggggg whywhywhy

Every.single.time.

I thought things were fine and then i just sit here minding my own business and this thought suddenly pops into my head and my heart just sinksssssss 

Why do i even bother expecting more maybe i should just accept it huh butbut do i rly just sucuumb to it walao cannot right must keep fighting ok dont give in and never give up 

We live in a scary and vvvv uncertain world

Time is precious.

Morbid happenings are depressing and saddening (and somehow the past two weeks have been filled with them) but they really do put life into perspective 

i cant get over the movie omg. it was a freaking emotional rollercoaster