Wednesday, June 3, 2015

"Don't miss the sun today worrying about the rain coming tomorrow"

Took some time off all the mad rush to have some ME TIME. under the sun by the pool hehe (not the beach but csc pool damn gorgeous it shall suffice). havent been able to not worry and just chill in so long and omg it felt so good.

ok so some thoughts.

Had a bad ballet lesson on sun, which hasn't happened in q long but shit it sucks. idk if its because i missed the prev 2 lessons, or maybe im just not cut out to learn all the advanced stuff. really starting to question whether i made the right choice in hanging on to dance. In sec 4 i considered quitting because thats the age most ppl stop to concentrate on studies, but not having the burden of o levels allowed me to continue. then last year i considered again, and i told myself ok just one more year. this year april was supposed to be my final dance, my swan song, with the perfect closure of the last graded exam. BUT i couldn't bear the thought of life without the weekly double/triple lessons and so i didn't stop. tbh there is no purpose in me continuing, since it would take me more than a year to even be slightly ready for the advanced exams. i think this is just me delaying my farewell to dance. So many things have changed in my life, but dance has always been a constant. A source of familiarity and comfort. Its part of my routine to go into that studio twice a week and just leave everything else outside the door. its been part of my life for the past 10 years.

how. how do i just let go.

and also today i finally got down to cleaning up my room. i was putting away my bday stuff (ya i know its been 3months haahahah) so i opened the box that i put all my past letters in and wahhhhh all the memories and reminders of what once was. omg my heart almost couldn't handle it. ok i cant describe the feeling but heres a quote that i think is nice to remember
"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" 

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