Secretly a perfectionist?

I cannot cannot stand practicing hours and hours for somethings, but in the end screw it up when it really matters. I thinks thats why I am so scared of exams. Because exams entail spending so much time and effort for that short little amount of time in comparison. And I am not really talking about like school exams. Those happen too often already. I am talking about assessments that happen only occasionally. Like piano exams and ballet exams. I think ballet exams are the most hardcore. So much time spent each week for a year just for that one hour of exam.

(Context not just for ballet anymore) Because it hurts so much to screw up after you have practiced so hard for it, I have to train even harder. Problem is if you DO screw up, then you feel sadder if you have trained harder. Like if you didnt train as hard then you wouldnt be as sad. Haha am I still making sense.

Another super annoying part is if you are actually not bad at it while practicing, but then when it comes to the real thing you just screw up. But those people who suck while practicing suddenly become super pro during the real thing, that is, ARGH that is SUPER FRUSTRATING. Its like a combination of nerves and luck.



I really do appreciate my blog when I need somewhere to rant. And I am not really touchy-feely type of person so I would rather rant here than to another person.