no regrets ok

IM IN THE BLOGGING MOOD hahahhahaha so yes TERM 2 IS OVER holyfuck the past week has been v interesting and a lot of action happened AFTER GP which was basically just wed night and thurs and fri but it really doesnt feel like GP was just 3 days ago

After gp paper ended at 530 there was extra chem lesson (ya im srs) and it was zzzzz. oh but mr wong treated pizza!!!! Its damn sad to stand on the weighing scale nowadays cos the number keeps increasing butttt pizza hehe

Then idk what was the point of sch on thurs and fri cause i basically learnt nothing. 

sat through 3 tutorials on thurs and the person sitting beside me was v entertaining (yes it was a unique experience)

BUT BAND CONCERT WAS A V NICE NIGHT. even tho music is so not my thing but kim was there to explain everything (LUVLUV) and because i couldnt hear the mistakes i was just so damn impressed hahahah.  like SO COOL to see friends performing omg im v proud of my cathigh boys hahahah. 

that time supporting kelly also ohmyyyy sososososo impressed by her and they way they just freaking dominated the court W.O.W. hahahaha afterwards me and gilly were just raving about how damn cool she is and dude SHE IS OUR FRIEND. 

fri lessons were also a joke. survived half of double physics but i gave up during the second hr hahahaha not bad alr the person beside me slept through the whole 2 hours HAHA

ROCKOUT. damn good workout it was wilddddddd. so glad i got convinced to go last min it was such a legit way to end the term YAYYYY I WAS LEGIT DAMN HAPPY

And then today morning i redownloaded insta to update myself but wow its rly so distracting like idk why im so interested in other ppl's lives esp since its just their facade. and now with the trend of spam/pte accounts ppl think they are such big deals to have the power to choose their friends ugh v annoying.

ok anw FIRST DAY OF JUNE HOLS well spent w kim and gilly. went orchard to find them to study after tuition and lol all i did was 1 chapter of org chem HAHA but omg mad talk at dinner. Went for dinner at 6 and we left at 10. and to think we actually planned to study after dinner ahhahahaha but RLY vvvvvv glad that we can talk so much shit hehe much love.

i just think its amazing how people become friends. ok matt categorised the levels of friendship on her blog (free plubz for uuuuuu) but like most of my closet friends now i didnt even realise we were becoming friends and then BOOM theres just this moment i realise 'wow im so glad you are in my life'. 

havent blogged in so long but yes first half of j2 life has been intense. 

Do i really not have boundaries wth i had no idea things were so extreme. But now that i know i also damn  unsure???? HELPPPPP like everytime i think of something i should do (or not do) then some people will tell me im gonna regret doing that  but then everybody keeps offering different advice and no one can see from my pov and omggggggg KELLY I NEED TO TALK TO YOU

hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take what comes

Dealt with so much nerves the past one and a half weeks omg. Started with ballet exam last wed then pw results yesterday and syf today!!!

I rly wanted to do well for ballet exam cause its my last one :(( doing the exam solo v scary i hope remained calm enough. syf alsooo omg esp the moment right before we go on stage!! At the end of both of them i felt super empty. All the months of preparation (juggling 6 dance pracs every week was damn crazy) and WHOOSH the few minutes in the exam studio and dance stage passed by and my body was on autopilot and then everything was over.

I realise this is the main source of all my nervousness and sleepless nights. Like i worry about not showcasing my best side, wasting all the time and effort and being unsure of the outcome.

PW ALSO. the night before getting back results i was just lying in bed thinking of all the possible scenarios, and then being upset with myself because i was supposed to sleep and not waste time worrying about things that i can't change. 

Both my ballet exam and syf were not the best runs i have done, but i have come to an enlightenment. In the end, whats even more important than the results is the process. Im damn thankful to have had the experience, and just having dance as a revenue to to escape from life makes me feel complete. Im also quite proud of myself for having survived the past days on the little sleep and alot of nerves. Ohohoh and for PW, the journey last year was filled with so many lows, but i guess the unexpected highs kinda made up for it. I think i can finally find closure, but the unconventional experience my group went through is quite deeply etched in my mind.

im super excited to go to bed tonight. tomorrow is my first completely free day in damn long and it will be the first day in weeks that i dont have to set a morning alarm. gonna use it to be a good daughter and also to rejuvenate lol time to up my studies game NO MORE EXCUSES.

Everyday i can literally feel myself sinking deeper. And i think recently i have been a damn shitty person who is selfish and mean and negative IM SORRY FRIENDS :(

peace

Its as if we broke up without even getting together

Thank you for being my best friend for those few months. But i can't help but wonder if I would be better off now if we had never met.


.

"I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?"

Where r my friends

Waiting for tuition to start and suddenly i feel v relieved.

That there is holiday next week, even though its gonna be spent studying, but at least still a break from school.

That i have everything i need. Finally starting to appreciate instead of being jealous hehe 

I think the sudden feelings of panic and worry and helplessness and confusion that are so damn overwhelming wont go away, but idk lah

Lol go away pls

Closed minded people get on my nerves so much like OMG DAMN ANNOYING!!! That internal fustration ughhhh wake up pls just because u think a certain way doesnt mean everybody else does too like wtf who do u think u are. Oh btw i also think the way u think is damn fucking stupid but at least i dont say it out loud 

can i hibernate

Hi guys its 1am on a friday morning and i really want to blog.

On Wed night i finally managed to have sortof a break with og. At the start it was only me and wiwi and hozuan, and we sat on the floor in this hut place in botanics waiting for the rest and the mood was almost like depressing?? IDk how to explain lah but shit it was q bad. Luckily the ogls came and it was a nice chill session at macs. Went back to botanics and GUYS i think its q a romantic place hehee can just lie on the grass IF ONLY there were stars in the sky omggg.

things just feel vvv different and its like my emotions went on a rollercoaster ride mutiple times that night

If only you could see all the unpublished posts i have written

january is almost over. i have so many things on my mind but everytime i start a blogpost it becomes damn negative and i end up never publishing any of them. Idk if its this age or something but these negative thoughts are damn overwhelming :(

Supposed to be doing tutorials now but i can't focus. I am just very unpleased with life and myself like theres so much more to life and i should be doing so much more if i could just complete my hw but no its neverending. For the past 3 weeks my life has been consumed by school cca tuition ballet study. i feel v stagnant and v impatient at the pointless-ness of things. Im just going through the motion and counting down the hours and struggling to not drown in my schedule. this isn't how it should be with the limited time we have to be alive but then again what can i do.


see lah becoming emo again. okok im gonna end this happy. Today during lesson i danced hard and it felt sosososososo good and apparently my efforts showed in my dancing and that just made my whole week :)))

everything in this world

PREACH IT MAN

 "there shouldn’t be anything wrong in chasing what you really believe in for and never ever belittle yourself and bother yourself with what others think about you. Its really important to have self confidence and love yourself first before you can expect someone to love you back. And also sometimes you will not always get what u want in life but there’s really no choice if u really did what you could do and never ever leave any regrets never cos its bad"

i want go beach

oh my ahahahaha i realise i have a second account for all my social media. What is this double life man.

Well some things are just meant to be kept private. Or stored away until the right time comes. Which may never ever come because opening an un-healed wound is fucking painful. So just put a plaster over it and know that it exists but not give it the chance to hurt you.



So many changes this year. SO MANY.

to me, the most important change has been myself. But it has been happening so fast sometimes I don't even know who i am, like i am just an observer of this person living my life cause so many changes happening so fast that i can't even comprehend whats going on anymore ahhhh omg this sounds damn weird but idk how to explain it. 

ok main gist: lost. 

Hi guys. Haha im in such a weird mood. Just a lot of thoughts and reflections recently.

People. Such queer things aren't we all. I think I have finally accepted that people come and go, nothing I can do about it except make the best of each moment and live in the present. That is such a valuable lesson omg.

I just never expected the huge impact some people have made.

Attractive people who know how to move OMG

OMFG been spending so much time just spam watching DEREK HOUGH. omgomgomgomg. So darn attractive. And holy shit DWTS is just hotness everywhere seriously all the pros are beyond this world.

JUST CANNOT STOP WATCHING HIM DANCE.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

Last night after impromptu bbq dinner with my parents we were stuck in the rain. The place is quite near home, but its damn ulu so there is no shelter or bus stop. And it was damn heavy storm so the minute you stepped out you would be completely soaked. My parents wanted to wait for a cab, but we were all drenched already so like why not just walk home.

hahahah i realise i have never actually calmly walked in the rain before. And it was damn liberating. i rly wanted to stay outside and just sit in the rain and maybe dance like those movie scenes haha.

------

Today was a just a bleh day. PJs at home all day. Until it was time for ballet. Those 2 hours were the only time I actually felt alive thankgod. But the new dance is q sad and the music has been stuck in my head and idk ughhhhhhhhhh

swollen eyebags

Can't believe the amount of shit that happened in just a few days. Starting from the weekend.

Sunday started out so beautiful. Played badminton properly after damn long and sweated like crazy. Looking at the kids having training made me miss the trainings I used to have before I prioritised ballet. I definitely don't regret that choice, but still so many what ifs. then went all the way to ntu just to eat ramen hahah. Ballet was intense I really really need to up my stamina game. At night I had fast food adventure with the cousins!! Haha we went to this Halloween maze thing at jcube and i was legit scared. But after that we went to get macs and on the way to the carpark we passed by burger king so we got more fast food hahahaha damn pig. 

Anw, stupid crap was already happening but it just kept getting more intense. AND SHIT WENT DOWN on monday. omg i hated it why did it have to happen????? I thought we got it under control but no monday night was when it seriously got real. Like skype session until 3am kind of real. 

UGH at least tues was toned-down. Rehearsed op in the morning then the rest of the group went home while I went to lepak with class because if I went home I will sleep and get nothing done. Panicked abit on tues night but I was freaking tired so in the end I just gave up and went to sleep.

Woke on on wed feeling damn nervous, but I think my presentation went okay. Anw its over so no point thinking about it. Was on high alert the whole morning during op, and felt sososososo drained. I think my eyebags reached a new level that day hahaha main man couldn't believe eyebags could be so bruised and swollen. But class buffet YAY OMG my first buffet after 6 years??? kbbq was ok but i think i eat buffet rly not worth cause always eat the cheap stuff hahahaha but so fun with the class. We ended up bbq-ing oranges hahahahh they turned out edible okayyy.

Anw wed was also jasmine's bday i shall dedicate a separate post to that and also because I want go sleep toodles

61 days til 2015

Perpetually dumbfounded by time.

Cannot procrastinate anymore. And this time i mean it. 2 months later im gonna look back and feel relieved and prepared and ready and healthy, not panicked and guilty and fat. 

So many things i hate currently, so i just have to change those things. I know i shouldn't let the number on the scale or the alphabets on the piece of paper dictate my life, but ughhhh i just hatehatehate them. Everything has been on a downwards slope this year, but hopefully i have reached the lowest point. It shall be uphill from now on!!! 

On another note, let me tell you about my day yesterday because i am on a long bus ride to orchard hahah. Pw is such a waste of time reached school at 11 and we only ran through once at 330 eeee im gonna be so glad to see the end of it next friday. but thankgod for friends. Lunch with a random bunch of classmates hehe.

And there was movie to look forward to yayyy. Watched Love, Rosie with jasmine and omg i love these type of romcoms hahaha :) read the book earlier this year and both book and movie damn good!! It really puts life and fate into perspective idk although its a happy ending but all those missed chances and all those what ifs :( 

Then i went for ballet and everybody abit siao so class was damn funny but dancing damn fail hahah need to up game.

Reached home at 10+ and argued with mum about blood groups hahaha. We googled in the end and i win HA my blood group AB is the rarest only less than 5% of the population pls. 

After that i rolled onto the sofa and fell asleep. Still wearing my tights and leo and hair still in bun. My mum claims she tried to wake me up but i woke up at 330 am cause the bun pin was poking my head. Went back to sleep at 4 and woke up at 11 just now wooow havent slept so much in damn long super shiok ok my late friends are finally reaching this has been fun bye

we will sleep when we are dead

SKYPE SO HAPPENING.

hahahahaha it all started the night before the first op consult. At 8pm qk received a text saying op consult was the next day!!! so the whole class just started panicking and i downloaded Skype to discuss pw. But somehow pw didn't happen, and I ended up skyping the confused kids. UNTIL 530AM. YEAH 6 HOURS! INTENSE SKYPE SESSION OMG. And obv we all damn dead the next day. Just keep ditching pw to lepak in seminar room hahaha such slackers.

And since that night I have been skyping so much omg. SKYPE OVER SLEEP YEA. even though I keep falling asleep while skyping ahahah I'm sorry main man.

Well post-promos has just been pwpwpwpwpw. Although theres supposed to be school but we just keep ponning lectures omg I am under damn bad influence. Getting so sick of pw but JUST ONE MORE WEEK!!! But sometimes q fun la. Especially if our groups colonise the same place hahahah. And all the fun class dinners hehehe.

OMG and the whole of this afternoon. Cause tuesday our early day so we went out for class lunch @18chefs with 8 ppl. It was damn eventful sia. Then we went back and lepaked at the theatre for the rest of the day AHAHAHA it was damn freaking funny. So many things can happen in the dark hehehe. Esp with all the raging hormones omg it felt so good just chilling and laughing.

Life has been fun, but there has also been some serious shit going on. Especially during results day omg i don't even wanna rmb it. But while there has been plenty of smiles and laughter, there hasn't been a lack of tears and worries HAIYA LIFE.

OK I am soooo grateful for my big rainbow :) That one afternoon I spent with her was so enlightening omg idk what I would do without her. And the shiok maki + shopping was damn good. thank you bby <3

Wahhh typing that made me even more nostalgic for the rg days :( All the tweets the whole night have been bringing back memories and I just cannot grasp the concept of time flying by. And looking through old pics!! 

This is why I end up sleeping at 2 everyday (even though I legit planned to sleep at 10) and end up with swollen eyebags.