how did i even get stuck in such a weird position lololol what do i do now hahahaahahah can only talk to one person abt it but then i dont rly trust that person's advice????

why so complicated ahhhh it was never supp to be such a big deal srsly everyone should just chill

ok anw. moving on. to something which i thought i had moved on (ha ha ha) from after one whole damn year but yet here i am.....what the heck mannnnnnn

cannot find closure :((((( and idk what to do. i rlyrlyrly wanna just move on. i thought all i needed was time but i guess i need a closure as well and wtf how am i ever gonna get that

haha sudden enlightenment. 

yeah sure i hate your flaws but they are what make you you and instead of harbouring so much negativity im going to start embracing your imperfections and draw strength from them

ha ha ha 

thanks

Omg srsly fuck you pls wake up the world does not revolve around you and ppl do not exist to please you! stop being such a self-absorbed self-obsessed self-righteous and downright selfish asshole

Omg this :(

This heartpain is getting a little too familiar

Omggggg whywhywhy

Every.single.time.

I thought things were fine and then i just sit here minding my own business and this thought suddenly pops into my head and my heart just sinksssssss 

Why do i even bother expecting more maybe i should just accept it huh butbut do i rly just sucuumb to it walao cannot right must keep fighting ok dont give in and never give up 

We live in a scary and vvvv uncertain world

Time is precious.

Morbid happenings are depressing and saddening (and somehow the past two weeks have been filled with them) but they really do put life into perspective 

i cant get over the movie omg. it was a freaking emotional rollercoaster

and i thought i would have been used to failure by now

itsok itsok

don't let this define you.
this too shall pass.
one day you will look back and this will not matter. let it go.

stand back up. stay strong.

It is my honour it really is. But....

Damn it omg kelly wruuuuu pls talk to me

Ok quickly before the day ends in 10mins. 1st October 2015 damnnnnnnn yeah 

Also today is world ballet day and it's also the day I told my teacher of 10years that I am stopping lessons the feelzzzzz omg 

I realise I rly hate having to make big decisions cos I must legit question myself and dig deep into my soul but in the end I also dk what's going on

Hopefully tmr will bring enlightenment and matters can be settled. Need a peace of mind. But omg FOCUS! Motivation come back to meeeeeee 

Omg get over yourself plssss now is not the time focusfocus 

"I love when conversations and energies just flow. Not forced. Not coerced. Just present."

ya had quite a rough day that day haha it has been long and i have NOT missed it.

but the ways things have happened since then have just somehow worked out :)
the day before i was so sure that it would take me so much effort to even get out of bed, but damn weird like because i knew i won't be doing anything much that day so i woke up feeling so free and relaxed and omg i didn't even realise how stressed out i have been. or maybe its just the lack of exercise lolol i think i need to control my unhealthy living abit ok anw

class celebration for kim and clarissa!!!!! TWO EXTREMELY LOVELY PPL and class turnup was actually not bad even though segregation but class girls really felt like family :)))))))

then i went matts house omg that sense of familiarity like how we had all the work on the table but somehow just end up bitching talking the whole time HAHAHA rly you are a gem (but if you reading this pls off your com and study)

continuing with the day, mds w the babesssss. omg he damn funny that day (even tho v burn ouch) and afterwards we just casually stood outside school at 930pm on a wednesday night talking but wowwww it felt vvvvvvv nice

so i had ramen for supper at 1030 hahahaha but good decision. cos i ended up talking until 5am. late night convos omg. thankyou thankyou thankyou

yes so i basically spent the whole day talking to people but really friends all of you are absolutely amazing.

Heart v painnnnnnnn sobbles 

How much worse can today get 

Why is it so hard for me to move on.

Why do i keep thinking about things even though i know theres nothing i can do.

Why do i spend so much time regretting. OMG WAKE UP ITS ALREADY TOO LATE!!!!

I need to just accept it. 

I need to make the best out of it.

I need to stop being a disappointment. 

NEED. TO. MOVE. ON.

Sometimes I get really upset with myself for not appreciating the wonderfulness of the present but instead just harping on the past??? Like why do I have to make things so difficult for myself lol idek v confused

Friday morning 2am lol. Ya mocha frap at 10pm not the best idea but shit is getting real!!!! 

On the bright side it makes precious moments soooooo much better, as proven by the past few days.  Yes i know you are reading hehe you are such a treasure :)

Very incredibly overwhelmed :( i want to do this but but what if i cant. What is going to happen omg can i just crawl into bed and sleep and wake up to everything being fine. 

i feel like this is as slack as this term is gonna get. my body is just rejecting school zzzz im having such a hard time adjusting back to school :(

and i cant go a day without someone commenting on my weight gain. the past me would have just freaked out and gone on some stupid diet but im really trying to reach the stage of having no damns to give

"Don't miss the sun today worrying about the rain coming tomorrow"

Took some time off all the mad rush to have some ME TIME. under the sun by the pool hehe (not the beach but csc pool damn gorgeous it shall suffice). havent been able to not worry and just chill in so long and omg it felt so good.

ok so some thoughts.

Had a bad ballet lesson on sun, which hasn't happened in q long but shit it sucks. idk if its because i missed the prev 2 lessons, or maybe im just not cut out to learn all the advanced stuff. really starting to question whether i made the right choice in hanging on to dance. In sec 4 i considered quitting because thats the age most ppl stop to concentrate on studies, but not having the burden of o levels allowed me to continue. then last year i considered again, and i told myself ok just one more year. this year april was supposed to be my final dance, my swan song, with the perfect closure of the last graded exam. BUT i couldn't bear the thought of life without the weekly double/triple lessons and so i didn't stop. tbh there is no purpose in me continuing, since it would take me more than a year to even be slightly ready for the advanced exams. i think this is just me delaying my farewell to dance. So many things have changed in my life, but dance has always been a constant. A source of familiarity and comfort. Its part of my routine to go into that studio twice a week and just leave everything else outside the door. its been part of my life for the past 10 years.

how. how do i just let go.



and also today i finally got down to cleaning up my room. i was putting away my bday stuff (ya i know its been 3months haahahah) so i opened the box that i put all my past letters in and wahhhhh all the memories and reminders of what once was. omg my heart almost couldn't handle it. ok i cant describe the feeling but heres a quote that i think is nice to remember

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened"