hihihi

hahaha anyone still here? HAHA omg if you are reading this pls drop me a text and we can laugh about it! 

Yknow how thoughts just randomly pop into your head. Today it randomly occurred to me that I used to blog, so I came back here and BAM! SO. MANY. MEMORIES. and thoughts!!! sososo cool to see into my 14-year old head. Haha to see how much I've grown and changed, but also realise that I am still the same girl inside!

Life....is where I would have never ever, not in a million years, imagined it to be. But...life is good!! and things always have a way of working out in the end! hehe am a firm believer in that. 

wow so much has happened since the last time i was here. I wouldn't even know where to begin to update this space omg. 

wah woke up at 730 today and quite an eventful day. eh my keyboard, the key with the exclamation mark and number one, doesn't work so I can't show my excitement anymore :(((((((( unless I google 'exclamation mark' then copy paste the punctuation hahahaha which is what I have been doing with the numerical one HAHA aiya see mood.

blog is dying sian i need more posts for future me to look back on. and current life has it such that everyday is so different and i wouldn't rmb what happened unless I write it down. But then lazy also lehhhhh ok i also need more pics here

I MISS U

ohmannnnnnn i was all ready to sleep alr then this movie popped up in my suggested vids, so I just re-watched it and even one year later the feels are still so damn strong. Its prob gonna be stuck in my head for the next few days :((((

Doesn't help that i was searching for a message and our old convo came up :((((((((( 

"You are that person that I will never truly get over, even when I've convinced myself that I've moved on"

a stitch in time saves nine

so intensely overwhelming :(((((((((((

why everything happen at once, help............head is not right and heart is not right also omg is there even anything that is right

wonder where i will be for the next

first october was so unexpected yet again holyshit. damn good night lah thanks bruhs (esp my MVP HAHAH u da bomb omg). still trying to deal with the aftermath but well......what happened happened and theres no turning back oops . also 'bad decisions make for good memories' HOPE that is true for this case

thinking back to the previous 2 first octobers bring such conflicting feels and now i have one more to add to the collection wew

hope u r having a better day than the one i just had

bad day tiring day omg feels super shit. and whats the point of this post lol maybe just congratulations on surviving the day.

Finally some enlightenment wooowww i think i have decided.... 

'NO TURNING BACK' tbh best advice i have heard!! 

vroom vroom

just went for early morning driving lesson and wahhh the instructor so cool. I was telling him he rly looked like my friend (QK HAHA)  and I said my friend v handsome then he ask why nvr go for him hahahahah 'its complicated'.

Started raining towards the end of the lesson and i jokingly asked him to send me home and HE DID. omg nvr knew they provided this kind of service. And there was only a few mins left so he zoooooomed through the streets and broke so many traffic rules and honked at the slow cars HAHA but wow mad driving skills

Then before I got off the car he said in his 7 years of teaching I was the one he shared the most with  and that he was thankful to have been assigned to my lesson and THAT MADE MY DAY :)))

its just....it sucks to be on this side of the fence. and to be constantly reminded of it :(((((((
"Idk where my happiness disappeared to. It just poofed"

coincidence. when everything comes crashing down AT ONCE. when all my failures are enlarged and highlighted and slapped in my face. Everything I thought I was, I sucked at being. Nowhere, and no one, to turn to.

gotta keep reminding myself: the grass is greener where you water it.

What an utterly emotionally-draining day. Alot of pent-up unhappiness just threatening to spill over. You can either choose to work through this or gtfo now. Personally, i wish you wouldnt be a coward but ohhooo u have rly taught me the meaning of disappointment.

And it all boils down to luck??

So scared and lonely :( 

so close yet so far.

That feeling rlyrlyrly sucks :( ohwell i guess its just not meant to be :(((

To my 16-year-old self, im sorry. The letter you wrote to your future self, i.e. me right now, was the final push i needed. It gave me the courage and I have tried my best. But my best isnt enough. Im not good enough. Im sorry.  

head vs heart

I told you to go, but my heart yearned for you to stay. I was afraid of what would happen if you had stayed, afraid of what I would say, afraid of how much it would affect both of us.

Don't let me hold you back.

the incessant waves of nostalgia ohmannnn 

Is it simply human nature for us to be always reminiscing about the past, wishing we could somehow just go back in time? Sometimes i try to convince myself its due to this period of uncertainty. But life is always uncertain. At the back of my mind, I know there will come a time when I will be missing this period as well. Because thats just how life works. 

Yet, as much as I tell myself to live in the present, the memories are triggered so easily. And they are stacked like dominos, one leads to another to another and idk where it ends